My Dark Corner of Hell

http://www.livejournal.com/users/robborbob/

2005-07-15T01:22:00.000-06:00

Tales of this and that

2005-06-27T08:59:00.000-06:00

Well well well...
Nearly July and I think that I am nearly caught up for once. I seem to have bills ready to go, and as long as all goes well, should have things well in hand but the end of July. New roomies are calling for the extra room finally. And work seems to be taking a turn for the better.

Which means of course that it will all be upset soon enough as a lady enters my life. It always seems to track that someone does that just as I get things organized and upsets my applecart with a single look or such.

Blogs I read and sites I go too

2005-06-24T02:15:00.000-06:00

Just a group of fellow geeks and freaks, LARPS Edmonton

My ex "evil master's" blog

An ex coworkers' blog

A fellow geeks', who gives the bestest back rubs every, blog

A fellow freaks' blog, who writes good slash

A random blog from edmonton that I found and have been addicted to reading of late

Finally caught up, kinda

2005-06-04T12:56:00.000-06:00

It looks like my exile will end soon. Atleast as far as work is concerned. We finally got some good hires and seem to be making progress normalizing the resturant. With that said, I expect it all to come crashing down shortly. I'm at my wits end with work, and have decided that if offered a different job I would take it. Even started to apply for some select jobs round town etc.

On the home front I am still screwed with the house. Never before was I ever late on bills but since Trevor screwed me over for rent I'm about $700 behind on them. Hopefully soon I will get another good roomie and get things back into line.

A. is still hanging out with me which I thought would stop after she started dating C. since he and I have been at odds for years. She told me about a month ago that she thought it would all end in 6 months, that he would get bored and leave. Lately it seems to be mixed singals from that end. One day he's in the dog house and the nest they happy as larks. Who knows what that girl wants and if she'll every get it.
Her comment to me the other day really hurt. She said that there is 4 or so men in her life;

C.
S.
J.
and me

and then said that we all fill different roles;

lover
friend
shopping buddy
and puppy dog

What hurt was that she then told me that J. is the puppy dog (but he shares the doghouse with C.) and I am her shopping buddy. After two years of knowing each other and dating for 1/2 of that, I was really hoping to be more than a shopping buddy. She said it as a joke I'm sure but it hurt none the less.

An other one bites the dust

2005-05-28T13:19:00.000-06:00

Good God we can't keep staff. Yet another 2 have left since I updated, then we hired 4 and one of those have also quit!!!

Good luck getting my days off next week.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH !!!!!!

Half way thru

2005-05-26T04:14:00.000-06:00

Half way thru my month of exile...

and I think I'm going stir crazy and / or dying.

For those that saw me at my last public outing (Seeds / Paragons) I still have that hacking cough. I can't seem to shake it at all. And now it's starting to keep me up nights and such. Side effect I guess of not really having had a day off since then. As expected work has kept me quite busy. Over the last 8 weeks I have working a minimum of 60 hours per week with a 6 or 7 day work schedule. And to think my Area Couch is starting to question is I have health problems? No, I just have sleep problems, as in not enough.

So other than work I have ventured outside my cozy lil home but once since then. And that was to see a dissapointing SW : Esp 3. Like Winter said "great story, bad story telling". Could anyone really have turned over that quick? What was it like a 45 second seqway in the film. Come on Lucas, spare us maybe 10 mins at least.

But I should try to rest again. I need to be up early enough for work that I can get some downtime over to Tallboy and to Reds.

If anyone is talking to my garden bitches, it's been rained out for about a month I think :( And if anyone wants to drop me a line, I'll never complain. The boards have been all to quiet this month for both Youseff and Tomas.

A little aside

2005-05-07T14:15:00.000-06:00

Well, it's time to find another entry for this blog and , well, all I have is what I know. An old friend has encouraged me to write, or atleast try to write, again so here it is. Unedited, uncomporisming, my poetry for all to see.

Midnight Darkness

What do you do in the the dark of the night,
when all light escapes your reach,
when shadows walk open in the world
and fear grips your inner heart.

What do you do in the dark of the night,
when your suddenly alone and don't want to be,
and no one seems to come to your cries,
and shadows stalk your every step.

What do you do in the dark of the night,
when little remains of the world outside,
and you cannot recall the memory of sun,
what do you do in that dark night.

How do you carry froward when hope is gone,
what can you tell yourself when your alone,
who can you seek to chase away the fear and terror,
when can you escape this nightmare world.

I know what I do in the darkest night,
when fear and terror in my heart take flight.
I grip the pillows every more tight,
and hope against hope for mornings light.

For what it's worth there it is. If you hate or like it is up to you. Maybe if I don't die of embarssment I'll put more new poems up, or some from my book.

Sleep tight all.

(For A.B.)

Good God, Can I not catch a break !>!>!>

2005-04-23T23:47:00.000-06:00

My rudy staff is trying to kill me !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night Ben accidently (?) sprayed in the face with oven cleaner. After about 10 minutes of coughing, burning eyes etc and being quite sick to my stomach his girlfriend rushed me over to Leduc General to be looked at. The doctor was quite efficent (read - busy) and the nurses quite understanding (read - so what)and after a small (read - FRIGGEN HUGGGGE) needle I was on my way after about a hour.

2005-04-21T02:23:00.000-06:00

Saw this on Cam's blog and thought I'd try it. Please feel free to comment on if you think it's accurate....

Your Type is
ENFJ Strength of the preferences %
Extroverted 22%
Intuitive 75%
Feeling 50%
Judging 33%

Link#1
Link #2

What a day

2005-04-19T22:25:00.000-06:00

GOOD LORD THATS A LONG MOVIE !!!

I just finished watching the entire extended edition of LOTR in one sitting. And let me tell you my ass is sore now. But it is mind blowing the whole thing at once. I still identify most with Gimli but the others are growing on me each time. I think it is his sense of homour and life's ability to throw things at him but he keeps going that draws me to him.

But in general life is must the same as always.

I had a wonderful chat with Levi, Laura and Denna about the social aspects of LARP, transformed that into a social / sexual role of people in general, then into a geo / policital discussion of comparative religions. WOW, that was a good one. Thats what I miss most aout having friends close to me that I can talk to regularly. The lively debates that seem to happen.

Work is just that work. Nothing too much else to say on that.

And my social / sex life is the norm for me of late. Nice and quiet. Just the way I like it. No confusion, no delusion nothing at all. Thats is not to say that I don't miss the enjoyable aspects of dating. But too often they come at too high a mental or emotional price. I know that somewhere out there is a girl that I can relate to one more than one or two levels, that shares a common focus in life and can draw and give me pleasure at the same time. It's that balance that has always been missing from my life.

AND I have promised myself that I will not give into temptation and lead myself back down the road of partial pleasure or reward until I can have that full package deal with someone.

But in the words of Bilbo Baggins " The road goes ever on..." and I should get back to cleaning etc around here. Mario is gone at the middle of the month and I need to clean and finnaly get those XMas decorations down.

Night All

Inprecision of the English Languge

2005-03-29T02:53:00.000-07:00

Tonight, again, I have been forcefully reminded of the inprecision of the english verbal languge. The whole damn thing seems designed to create confusion rather than clarity.

Case in point, the phrase "finally able to go out" with someone. This simple phrase has at least two very different contextual meanings. There is the literal meaning, the availabilty / ability to go to a common place with someone. And the society based meaning, to be able to date someone. So with that phrase I could be trying to say that we have reached a common comfort level that we (two people) can go places / do things without reading more into a situation than there is. Another way to say that is to be in the moment with someone. If you want to go to a movie, you can. And that is all it means, a movie with a friend. But society in general seems to place that phrase within the context of being able / wanting to date that person.

Why is it that two people cannot say their going out somewhere without the assumption being made that they are dating?

Dating, that's a whole other can of worms to use that word. But that will have to wait for another day.

Goodnight world!

Memories and Such

2005-03-28T03:37:00.000-07:00

Sitting her at 3, no nearly 4 am, unable to sleep I am overtaken by memories and such. I've tried to sleep but cannot. I've tried to meditate but find no relief there either.

I am faced with a choice that is not mine to amke, but neither it is anyone else's. I have finally found peace in my life. A peace of contented fulfilment within myself. For the first time I am not seeking the approval of others. I am not basing my happiness on anyone other than myself. I am content that my life is as it should be.

But yet I cannot shake from my mind memories, or better put fleeting thoughts of someone else. I struggle when alone to contain images of someone that makes me feel so special. A simple reminder such as her perfume, or a picture bring a flood of things I want to deal with but cannot. I have promised to her, and more importantly myself, that I will not seek to control things or lead them into a direction. Rather I will allow them to shape themselves.

But these memories of a half shaped past seek to overtake me. And it is not when I am with her that them come, rather when I am alone and not thinking of her. Then my mind wanders over a thought and I feel a flush of emotion build that knows no form of expression. Even my poetry cannot hope to express them. They are not longing or desire. Not carnal or emotional, but primal and unaltered.

When we talk and she speaks of others, I do not feel jelousy. If we talk of us, I do not feel hope. If we touch, it is only what it is, a fleeting touch. When we part I miss her like I miss an old friend and when we meet, only as greeting an absent friend. But alone, my breath catches in my throat and I am stuck for an instant in that pure moment and she is there. It is as if, when I saw that prefect sunset, I cannot imagine not seeing it with her.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense, or if it makes prefect sense. In my heart I know that I love her as I have always done. But until now I sought to be there for her and have her here for me. Now it seems that I only wish to be in that prefect moment and cannot imagine anyone there. But I can smell their hair and prefume. I can hear the wind rush through her hair. I can feel the warm touch of her skin on my own.

LIttle of This, Little of That

2005-03-24T23:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems that I am destined to only have time to update about once a month. But that atleast means I'm busy right?

As I sit here on the floor of my room (since my desk is still downstairs in the spot that my Christmas Tree will occupy one day) my dearest little cat is playing up a storm with atleast one of the house ghosts. Yes, one of them. At last count I guess I have 3 or 4 (it seems to depend on the day)

I know, your all sitting there saying but Rob, your too logical to belive in ghosts etc. WELL GET OVER IT !! LOL I've always been the biggest beliver in the sinister and not so sinister world beyond out own.

Really not too much to report save that I've been invited to attend the Grand Enclave of the Knights of Malta, St John of Jersurselm and Order of the Holy Temple of Jerusalem. That came as s hock, but a welcome one. I look forward to greater light in masonary.

TTYL All

Robbie

Lolly Blogging

2005-03-15T04:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry all who seem to read this but this past month has left little time to update.

My dad is doing well for all those that called etc. He's at home and recovering nicely. We're off later today to have a checkup done and he's talking about getting back to work soon.

My internet was down for most of the month thanks to a lil money problem, but it seems all fixed now. And I am looking forward to catching up all my reading etc and getting back into games.

Kerene and I have talked alot and I decided to call the whole thing off last month. It was never the same after we got back together and it wasn't fair to her for me to go thru the motions. She deserves alot more and I hope that she can find someone to make her happy.

Between the internet loss and work I've really felt more disconnected than normal to everyone at LRPS. I'm hoping that I can gain back that closeness with them as it was really nice to have a group of friends that seemed to understand me. But with the possibilty of Cam moving etc, and the whole Kerene thing, I doubt that I wil be as invloded as I was. They seemed to be the catalyst for alot of social / after game stuff. I guess it is up to me to work at that myself now.

But enough self pity and self indulgence, I best get to bed as I've got that doctor's appointment and alot of work to do this week. I've got a 2nd degree on Tuesday and a 4th degree on Thursday and a lot of memory work on both before then.

PS If anyone knows a good seamstress / tailor, we're looking for someone to remake / repair the officer robes at my Edmonton lodge. And with my group of people that read this, I figure that having the Masons owe ya a favour can't hurt right?

My Dad

2005-02-10T05:20:00.000-07:00

With everything that is happening with my dad, I suddenly have an urge to talk about him. And since it's like 5 am, this is the only outlet that I have.

My dad, where to start. He's 72, for those good at math yeah that means that he was 41 when I was born. I was the second son for my parents, but he didn't last but a few months in this world. Mom and Dad never really talk about it, so I assume the worst. Dad took a job overseas after it happened and he and Mom spent most of the 60's in Trinadad. He was with the embassy there. Again, he never really talks about that either so what I know is what I've heard from Mom. (He's never really talked about himself at all. I only found out that he was a AAA first basemen here in Canada when I got his invite to the team reunion. But thats Dad.)

In the time they were their, the country had 3 revolutions, dad was taken hostage at least once, mom was trained on submachine guns by the RCMP /CIA for her own protection. They watched 3 or 4 freinds die, shot by rebels at the gates of the embassy, drown etc. They went to the diplomatic parties and ate with the president often as his son was dad's best friend.

When Mom got pregnant, they came back to Canada to have a family. That was down east in Toronto, but after I was born I spent 2 years in Toronto Sick Kids, and they had to give it all up and move back west. During that time, dad lost his dad to cancer. So we moved. and moved and moved. Governments had this rule then that you either had the choice of changing jobs, or be promoted and moved. After I got to school, dad started turning down promotions so that we could stay were we where. He retired as a Project manager after 35-40 years with the feds. Mom often says that if he had stayed with the diplomatic core, he would have been an under sect or assistant ambassidor by then.

So after he retired, he managed to stay home for 2 years before he drove himself nuts. He then decided to return to the work force as, get this, a long haul truck driver. And he's been doing that every since.

That is until January 24th, when I say the man I've seen literally lift my frist car (88 Colt) turned into a shadow of his former self. He had an anurism on the 23rd but refused to go see a doctor until the morning of the 24th. They tell us that he should have been lucky to live 2-3 hours after it ruptured but he managed to survive nearly 24 before they even had him in the OR. And he's been sedated in ICU ever since. HE's finnaly this week gotten enought strength to sit up.

Right now all I hear is the advice he gave me just before I got married. That I need to treat that girl as the most precious thing in my life, and that if I ever hurt her, He'd make sure that I never hurt anyone again. And he meant it. When Michelle cheated and left, it hit him so hard that he didn't really talk for a week. And we still don't talk about her, him and I.

Today I found out that he had had a stroke at some point in the past. That really hits home, because his father refused to die without seeing his grandson. I hope that dad can do the same.

God, we don't talk much since he left, and I know you hate alot of this I do, but let him see his grandson someday. Thats the only prayer I have left in me.

I'm drained, so I think it's time to sleep....

(PS A - I fear alot of failures, but not in prose. Only in life and love)

Some days I wonder

2005-02-03T03:21:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd post a few things that I often wonder about. If you have any thoughts let me know;

1-where do the other socks go when we lose them?
2-why do we use money? we never seem to have enough, and others always seem to have too much?
3- is hocket ever coming back? and why do i still care?
4-why can't i write poems anymore?
5-does anyone really care?
6-why does my cat not come to sit with me EVER?
7-i dunno what 7 is
8-will my dad make it out of the hospital?
9-does love exist?
10- why?

2004 ?!? Bang or Whimper

2005-01-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

LOL I tried to think of a good title for this one, but nothing ever came to me. I dunno what to say about the year just past. I've been through alot of changes and more seem to be heading my way.

In some ways I seem to becoming back to where I was at the start of the year. Emotional nothing has changed. I'll be moving back into my old room upstairs. In some ways I still seem so much darkness in teh world.

In others, I'm heading off into the unknown. New job, new friends. While everything seems good and well, the old part of me keeps waiting to wake up from the dream. Or it to turn to a nightmare.

Old friends say that I always wait for the dream to turn to a nightmare. I guess in a lot of ways their right. But this year, I vow to be ready to deal with that nightmare if it comes, rather than run from it and hide.

A week before Christmas

2004-12-18T03:03:00.000-07:00

Thas a week before Christmas,
and all through my house,
an ill wind was blowing,
thanks to high natural gas prices.

The roomies were asleep,
all snug in thier rooms.
Since I locked them there,
so no more stuff could go missing.

Me in my rooms,
alseep in my bed,
with visions of pizzas
flying all round my head.

When out on the lawn,
there arrose such a clatter.
It must be Amber and her mom,
with the new lights for my house.

The job was just fine,
hangovers finally gone.
Learned that red wine and rum
don't got well togther.

I know I know, it doesn't rhyme, but what do you want. The last descent poem I wrote was in Grade 11. My one bright, socially acceptable poem that won a little contest and made it into a book. The rest are always dark and brooding. Kinda like me ! LOL

But seriously, I think that I'm finally outta my holiday funk. I've recovered from getting another year older and think I'm ready to face the season. Found out today that I do get stuck working New Years. But in exchange I get the 24th, 25th and 26th off. Thats a first since I was with the government. Looking forward to seeing my family. That sounds strange since they only live 10 blocks away. But it seems like I see them less than when I lived in Edmonton.

Well, off to bed now since I promised to get some sleep.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT !!

Just when I think I can look up

2004-12-15T01:19:00.000-07:00

I get blindsided again!

Lets see:

1) AMA wants $500 for the water damage caused by the faulty pump in May
2) Trevor seems not to willing to pay for the damages now he knows what they were. ($4000)
3) more stuff got stolen while I was in Calgary

(Which is a good thing, Calgary that is. I had a blast at the meeting and party)

So yeah, what can I say!?!?!?

And April, about the necklace, if you ever called or wrote we could do a coffee so I could get it.LOL I still have your shiny trinket as payment and your book as hostage. LOL

Another year older

2004-12-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

Well, what can I say other than that?

31 years on the planet. An what I got to show for it?

A nice family, great friends, a house, a good job and a cat that dotes on me. What more can ya ask for?

To the Knights of Kaluha, thank you very much for the send off to my 30th year. What a night. I don't think I've purposely sat down to drink that much in a long time. And wow is Laura's bed soft! Get your minds outta the gutters all of you.

Off to Calgary in the morning for 3 days of meetings and the Christmas Party. So until then, stay safe all !!

Finally some time,

2004-12-05T07:48:00.000-07:00

Some time to do a proper update that is.

I sat down and figured out that between work, friends, family and LRPS I had managed not to be home more than to sleep (and sometimes eat) for all but 3 days between November 3rd and 22nd. I thinks that a record for even the social butterfly I used to be.

And needless to say, what a pile of laundry that was. EWW

I've settled into the new job at Pizza Hut. I've gotten a week and a half under my belt and seem to be catching on quickly. About another 3 weeks and I should be assigned to a permenant store as Assistant Manager.

My old buddy John appeared again from the mists on Wednesday. After 15 years, you wouldn't know that a day had pasted between us. He's been overseas working in England as a Bar Manager. And wow did he soak up the accent. And a few tall tales to boot. He's up north working to raise some cash for school, so he can get a visa to go back to England.

The roomie situation seems to have stablized. As much as it every will. Trevor gave his notice to me that he'll be out on the 11th of January, or the first if I fill the room. We still have to sit down and talk about the whole theft situation and his bills from that. Will appeared to be coming to get his stuff, but as usual he no showed. What a surprise!

Kerene and I are getting along well as friends, but with our schedules we never really get to see each other except at games and Jecks. I really hope that this period apart will allow us to connect in a way that will let us get back together. But only time will tell about that I guess. Like i keep saying "Fire and Gas" is the best way to describe us.

But sleep calls to me and I should obey. I just spent 4 hours fixing my computer and boy am I tired. Damn trevor better not touch my computer again is all I will say.

Nite All !!

No time no time !!!

2004-12-01T21:21:00.000-07:00

Just a quick quiz update since I have no time with the new job !! Yeah Pizza Hut

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability.
You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea.
Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion.
You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone.
If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

Violated

2004-11-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

That is the only word I can use for today. VIOLATED...
My newest rommie had some friends over and it's cost me around $3000 of stuff. Someone decided to help them selves to a few of my things. And now there is very little I can do about it. The RCMP are kinda tied since there was no break and enter, it's only petty theft, not too high on the crimes list. They're gonna see what they can do, but really all they can is watch the pawn shops and ask the people who were here politly " Did you take it?". And Trevor can't even tell me exactly who was here.

So I'm out 2 knives, a sword and 23 of a 25 set Olympic Coin set. I'm soo furious that I can't even talk. I'm holded up in my basement trying to contain enough anger that is turn into fuel could probally rivial the sun itself.

From Untitled

2004-11-13T11:01:00.000-07:00

My heart is gone, stopped beating in its prime
cut down in a flash of heated wind
her blood slipped quickly on the floor
and her breath no more

I cannot avenege her
for I serve another
She was not my choice but I did still love her
but justice shall be done

I'm told she may return
but do not trust the facts
we shall see what tomorrow brings
and where is takes me from here

Calliope James

Lookie here!

2004-11-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

Well, what can I say but what a hell of a week. In the short span of 5 days I think I'll hit some highs and lows, certainly enough for me to renew the title of my blog.

Sunday - kicked Will out after he not only didn't pay his rent in full, but stole back the portion he did pay.

Monday - began the room-mate hunt anew. Had an interview with Pizza Hut for an Assistant Manager (I thought I aced it)

Tuesday - Got 4 calls on the rooms, none showed up. Bush won, the bastard !

Wednesday - Got a call from Cam, he's been fired. Got a call from Pizza Hut, could I come for another interview.

Thursday - Cam told me he was running for office. Lil problem with Kerene. Got 1 new room-mate.

Friday - 2nd interview went poorly, I thought. Went for lunch with Cam. Got the job offer from Pizza Hut. Had to tell Mr. Harris that I was leaving. Had three possible room-mates go bust before they even saw the house.

Saturday - No Will to get his stuff, therefore no cash from him either.

A couple of other little things happened as well, but this isn't the place to discuss. So, yeah, I start a new job with Yum Foods (Pizza Hut Canada) on the 20th as an Assistant Manager. I'm really looking forward to the change. It has been 5 years back in the hotel industry and it was starting to get old again. That and the drive was killing me.

Stolen

2004-10-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

Saw this on another blog and thought it was neat...

A - Age: 30
B - Best feature: My eyes, I'm told
C - Car I first owned: 1988 Dodge Hatchback
D - Depeche Mode song: "Personal Jesus"
E - Easiest person to talk to: Amber
F - Farthest from home that I've traveled: Italy
G - Grasp of the obvious: D'oh
H - Hair color: hazel brown
I - Instruments: used to play guitar and piano
J - Jellybean flavor: lime.
K - Kids: Thank God No
L - Longest car ride ever: Tennesse
M - Mum's name: Donna
N - Name that was almost given to me: was destined for the one I got
O - Oldest living relative: my grandmother
P - Phobia[s]: small spaces
Q - Quote: It will work theortically
R - Reason to smile: Cause life seems fun again
S - Song I sang last: "Toronto is the town that never ends, it just goes on...."
T - Time I wake up: as late as possible
U - Unknown fact about me: It wouldn't be unknown then would it.
V - Vegetable I hate: Asparagus
W - Worst habit: Terminal Shyness
X - X-rays I've had: Working on the third time of anything
Y - Yummy food: PIZZA
Z - Zodiac sign: Sagg

All Hallow's Eve

2004-10-31T03:29:00.000-07:00

Well well well, another all hallow's eve is upon us. Halloween is one of my favorite times of year since I get to act spooky etc and scare little kids. This last week has been so busy for me. Between work, Keen (*hugs and kisses* see I didn't use my original title of "So I paid for Keen's pussy tonight" *I sprung her cat from the Vets*) and general stuff around the house I think I've gotten maybe 15 hours of sleep all week. I can't keep up that schedule for long, thats about the only thing I'm sure of.

***Stardate October 30th 2004*** (there the joke for those who said it)

Kim and Holly's part went well. The whole group, I think it is safe to say, had a blast !! John rang in the part late but in the traditional fashion. The offical dance happened long before his arrival, and I think Shane will grow to hate the fact that I don't normally chase my rhum with anything. I am still very tentative around most of the people since I do not know where lines and boundarys are, and them seem somewhat tense with my lines and boundary's too. Little do they know how well I fit ino thier dark little corner. LOL had to be said since I am the master of horrible puns.

Paragons ROCKED tonight. Sure I didn't do any tests etc but what a story, the charators dropped right into place. And I got a vote for best atmosphere for my skittering, thanks Laura ! Everyone also thought my makeup was spot on. I think I should have had another 10 - 15 mins to work on it, and needed some darker base but ahhh what do I know?

but for now I think I should be off to bed. After all it is 3:30 or is that 2:30 DAMN time change, I can nver figure it out.

My true names?

2004-10-28T03:31:00.000-06:00

Found these out looking at friends blogs. Makes me wonder if my real name ain't so bad?

My japanese name is 渡辺 Watanabe (near a crossing) 雄大 Masahiro (big hero).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

My Mormon name is Aroet Stripling!
What's yours?

My vampiric name is GRIGORE (Alert).
Take Vampire Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

My Egyptian Name is Bakari (noble oath).
Take The Egyptian Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

My Egyptian Name is AMEN-RA (personification of the power of the universe).
Take The Egyptian Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

couple more to hide the real post

2004-10-25T02:06:00.000-06:00

Willow--sweet, super smart, and one powerful woman!
Everybody can't help liking you :)

What Buffy the Vampire Slayer character are you?
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The Fourth Doctor: Quirky, unpredictable, clownish
and often absent-minded, you are nonetheless
resourceful and quick to anger in the face of
injustice. Although occasionally clumsy and
unconsciously arrogant, you possess a highly
skilled mind, displaying powerful hypnotic and
meditative abilities. You sometimes play the
fool, but are completely fearless. You can
always be counted on in a tight spot...even if
it doesn't seem that way.

Which Incarnation of the Doctor are you?
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You're a Denial Goth! You are so not Goth. In
fact you're Post-Punk/Darkwave/Whatever
lesser-known synonym for goth is popular this
week. Give it up, it's obvious you're a Goth.

What kind of Goth would you be?
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OK ok finally a real post

2004-10-25T01:34:00.000-06:00

I know that it has been a while since I updated but as you wil see I've been a busy busy person. Between work, life, Keen and LRPS I think I've been home and awake for maybe 2 days in the last month. Not that I'm complaining, it is nice to be busy again.

Ok first things first, work. Well it has been very interesting around here, but not the fireworks I was expecting. The monkeys have calmed down and we're actually getting things done. But we did lose my fave monkey Anna. But I hear that she is off to bigger and better things so good for her. If she ever did manage to call me or email me I might die of shock. But that's another story.

Second, life. While I'm taken over tutoring the new/old boyfriend/roomie of my ex. Thats an interesting story of it's own but not for sharing here. He's committed to bettering himself, and I admir that. DID YOU HEAR THAT AMBER, I ADMIDT I ADMIRE HIM. That might cause her to die of shock. Maybe we could get a discount on funerals??

I've also been called in the Church of Rhum and appointed a minister. And it all started with a lil trip to drop off a microwave. It ended in a descent bartab, a Rhum circle and someone bleeding as we all watched and oohhhhed. What a nice night huh? But seriously, the LRPS guys are a cool bunch of guys, and they know who they are.

Everything with Keen is good. She wishes that we could see each other more, but understands that our lives seem to oppose that. We mack due with what time we have and go from there. I am starting to feel my numbness slipping away but I worry that it will not be fast enough for her, but again, thats a story for elsewhere.

And LRPS, what can I say about LRPS. Well nothing that can be printed and repeated I guess is the best choice. Seriously, I'm really enjoying it and wish I had found this a while ago.

But thats about it for now.

PS: For those in the know, frenchie emailed me the other day and seems to be sparking alil. Life sure loves to laugh at me huh?

Quick Quiz before I ramble on a bit

2004-10-25T01:08:00.000-06:00

I saw this one and had to add it since I of course HATE the Buffy Musical episode.

I'll Never Tell....

Which Buffy Musical Song Are You?
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Sure I got the tiny one

2004-10-24T01:59:00.000-06:00

Tiny, Mischevious and full of life, The Fae dragon
watches over you... as well as under, around,
above, below and so on. Loving the way you live
life, but totally useless for most help. Unless
of course, you're planning a joke...

What sort of Dragon watches over you?
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Sin drink

2004-10-24T01:50:00.000-06:00

You are Vodka

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?
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He he Lookie Here Y'all

2004-10-24T01:47:00.000-06:00

You are King Arthur! You are noble, kindly, and
brave. Go you!

"Now this king had an idea, and the idea was
that force ought to be used, if it were used at
all, on behalf of justice."

Which Knight of the Round Table are You?
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yummmm Jedi

2004-10-24T01:45:00.000-06:00

You are Obi-Wan Kenobi!

Which Jedi Knight are you?
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Damn I love quizzes

2004-10-13T05:14:00.000-06:00

Legolas Greenleaf

Which Lord of the Rings Character are you?
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Yet again...

2004-10-12T04:06:00.000-06:00

Fooled you today.

I didn't add any quizzes. I did add a couple of banners and such to sites I like and shop at. Most of you already shop them too, so I didn't think it would offend. For those I work with, well, lets just say I think this week is going to be interesting. Cam and the rest have a fun week of clean up to do. I'm soo looking forward to watching how everything unfolds.

Looking forward to election day. The extra cash from that will sure help the money crunch that I'm in. So will getting a 3rd roomie to split rent. I hope I can find someone that is a little better than the other ones. I got to call Bruce as well this week so he can pick up his mircowave.

And I do have to get a few things done around the house over the next week too. Best get some sleep and get at it, huh?

Yummy Yummy Quizes

2004-10-09T20:24:00.000-06:00

Order of Hermes. Ritual can be a focus.

Mage: the Ascention Tradition
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Dang it again

2004-10-07T02:14:00.000-06:00

You are a Theurge!
Born on the Crescent Moon, you are naturally beyond
words. A born spiritspeaker; you may be seen
with human drugs or predicting the future
events. You are the most unique of all the
Auspices.

What Auspice of Garou are you?
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Guess it shows

2004-10-07T02:12:00.000-06:00

You are a Child of Gaia... You are the protector of
Earth, you love Gaia and would do anything to
protect her. People think you are weak, but you
are not.

What type of Garou (Werewolf) are you.
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another

2004-10-07T02:04:00.000-06:00

he he he

Destiny, you are the oldest of The Endless, you are
eternally chained to a book that holds the
secrets of the universe. You are all business,
never have time to even crack a smile, and
always make sure you do not draw too much
attention. You do not want people hunting after
you!

Which Endless are you?
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he he he

2004-10-07T02:01:00.000-06:00

saw this and had to take it

Take the quiz: "What'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=1744">" What do you love about making love?"

Intimacy
You love to be intimate with someone. You know every inch of them, you're big on touching and any kind of body contact especially cuddling though you need to feel comfortable with someone.

Just shoot me already

2004-10-07T01:47:00.000-06:00

arrrgh

Finished a big rant and the computer crashed.

What a day

For those seeking my balls !

2004-10-05T16:39:00.000-06:00

Here they are...

It seems, thanks to a little dumb fucking luck (my life seems full of it) that a virus decided to send to all my friends the most recent url I had been at. And that was, of course this blog. The little problem with that is that someone special to me got hurt. The bigger problem is that others decided that it was their place then to comment and hunt me down. Well, I'm not running anywhere.

I'm not running because the two people that had had my blog address prior to that little virus, had been my advisors for the last few months. They had context and in my life context is everything.

They knew that I had been having commitment problems and trust issues in my life for the past several months due to the actions of those I've called friends for years. They knew that my marriage had ended badly; little thing about the bride sleeping with one of the groomsmen 11 months after the wedding. They knew I had also just found out that he wasn't the first she had, not even the first in the wedding party. I found out 3 months ago that my best friend of 10 years had also messed around with her. They knew that I was an outcast with most the poeple in Leduc since they had decided to spread a little rumor they had heard about me. They backed it up with observations of scientific fact like "Well I knew for years, look at how he walks" and "He always did like art too much". They read that those few that I did still trust had shunned me and ignored me at the moment that I was seeking company to make sense of a stupid human mistake, the death of Lloyd. They knew that I had just finished having my heart ripped out in a year long tug of war with Amber. They knew that I had been saying for months that it was like I couldn't feel anything because everything I did, I ended up in tears for the pain.

And Saturday night I took it upon myself to talk to Amber and get her advise since she knows me the best. I went back to the person that has hurt me the most because I didn't know what to do with Kerene. I didn't know what or how to say that I am soo fucked up emtionally that I can't be the anchor that she's looking for. That I can't be the one that she makes plans with for trips etc because I couldn't take the risk of being hurt. Her advise to me was to either cut and run now, or take it one day at a time. Take the time to know Kerene and really fall for her, not just fall into love with her, but develop that friendship that I'm been seeking for so long. To take the time to heal the wounds that I had so that I could be the man she wants to be with rather than react in anger or fear one day and hurt her soo deeply that it would feel like a crushing wieght.

So for those that replyed, and I haven't read those yet cause I thought I should speak without anger, what I meant when I said

that I have finally fould a girl that gives me everything I've always looked for, but I can't seem to provoke any more serious feelings than that of a deep friendship

is that I can't take the risk of falling so head over heals in love, swept off my feet with Kerene that I would hurt someone that is everything I have always been looking for. That I should take the time to be her friend first, and everything else second. And I know that I've broken that ideal twice so far, but that wasn't for a selfish sexual need, but because I can't resist a prize that I've searched for for so long. I know that I have to control the speed, control the emtions and control myself. But that said, I am out of the dating game and I'm in the friendship game. If that concern for your friend is a sin, then burn me as the witch you think I am and use my balls for marbles..

cause here they are...

Dark day Part Two

2004-10-03T04:00:00.000-06:00

And I guess I should put here, that I have finnally fould a girl that gives me everything I've always looked for, but I can't seem to rpovoke any more serious feelings than that of a deep friendship. I guess I need to be out of the dating game for awhile, cause when a girl is head over heals for you and your ehhhh for her it's a reciepe for disaster. But I don't know how to do this without hurting her.

I guess this is fair play since I think this is what I did to Amber. But I'll tell you, it sure stinks.

Quote - "The Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill"

"Sir, if I were your wife, I should put posion in your coffee" replyed to by Churchill "Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!"

A dark dark day

2004-10-03T03:53:00.000-06:00

Well life continues to rain down on me today. At about 8 pm I fould out that a guy I've known for 10 or so years was killed on Friday night. He had been trying to settle an arguement when 3 or 4 guys jumped him, beat him and stabbed him with a broken beer bottle and then left him in a room to die from heart failure. I really didn't know him too well for someone that I've had coffee with for 10 years but it still feels like a kick in the pants.

And then all of us where meeting at the Truckstop for coffee and to hang out. But when I got off work and called I was told that no one really felt like talking anymore. So I decided to just stop in and get some food to go. When I got there, everyone was still there and talking, it was just that they didn't want any outsiders there I guess. Then it hit me, that I'm an outsider to the people that I have called friends. That realization hit home harder than Lloyd's death I think.

What a day, what a day, what a day.

Another day another dollar

2004-10-02T03:56:00.000-06:00

Well, life here continues on it's merry little road to hell. As usual, my roomie Will is late with rent. Or more specifically, his latest rent is late, and he is still about 2 payments behind. That will be a fun conversation tomorrow. Kyle is dependable as the rain, he'll be a few days late too. and my 3rd roomie, while there is still no thrid roomie.

And lets deal with lrps. On second thought, lets not since I'm going through forum withdrawl. You see it seems my garou charactor, Tommy Talks with two mouths, and his whole pack have been lost for about 2 weeks, but the rest of the tribe just found out. It seems a safe bet that it will be new charactor time next month. And in Untitled, well no one listems to me there anyways so why talk about it.

That leaves Levi's game which I haven't heard anymore about.

My car kinda got cleaned thanks to Shani, Levi, John and Laura. It seems that cars are in short supply when moving from Jeck's to BiP's, so I got to fit 6 people into a 5 person car. So the garbage had to finally be taken out. And I even cleaned the windshield this morning when I filled up.

First Time for everything?

2004-09-29T04:34:00.000-06:00

Well, since everyone I seem to know now has a blog, I guessed I should get one too.

Seeing my life is an exercise in God's willingness to punish me by cursing me with bad luck (except for those days when I get REALLY bad luck) the title was born.